Are Your Learned Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back?
Many
of us have baggage that we carry around throughout our lives like a camel.
Most
of these limiting beliefs or fixed ideas are things that we have learned
through experience from people or events in our lives. Some of these come from
a parents, friends, lovers, teachers and so on.
Unfortunately,
many of these beliefs are negative. They have not come from successful,
positive people, but usually from unsuccessful, negative people that we encounter
in our lives.
We
carry these beliefs around like backpacks which weighs us down throughout our
lives.
We
drag them into new relationships and expect people to accommodate us and our emotional
baggage.
Examples
of these beliefs could be:
·
I
don’t trust men, I don’t trust women
·
Rich
people are greedy crooks or evil
·
Money
is the root of all evil or is bad for us
·
People
who are nice to us want something in return.
·
People
of a certain race, age or gender are this way or that way
Learned
beliefs are deeply ingrained into our minds like a default setting, which you can
replace with a new setting.
We will
continue to carry beliefs around and unless we deal with them they will slow us
down for the rest of our lives.
Instead
of taking the ‘beliefs backpack’ off of our backs and mentally throwing on a
virtual fire, we expect people to “deal with it” because “this how I am” so “take
it or leave it”!
It’s
as if we simply expect people to accept and accommodate our limiting beliefs.
Maybe we don’t say it directly, but indirectly you are pigeonholing people you
probably don’t even know based on your past experiences.
You’re
saying, this is what I believe because I’ve had a bad experience with some
loser or abuser, therefore I’m going to hold back on everyone else based on
this one bad experience.
It’s
absurd when you think about it!
At
the extreme end, people are killing each other because of difference in beliefs
over different variations of the same religion!
A
believe is something that you learn and accept as the truth. Once we have a
belief lodged in our head ii will stay there until we change the default
sessions.
For
instance, you may have been brought up with a certain faith or set of values
and refuse to accept anyone who does not meet your standards.
You may
have been brought up to believe that people from another country are bad based
on the fact that your country once had a war with their country. This could be
a recent war or a war that happened a century ago.
Beliefs
can be formed unconsciously by the behaviours of others, such as our parents, with
whom we spend most of our time. People who have had abusive parents often, but
not always, go on to become abusive themselves. It might sound like a cliche,
but many inmates in prison have come from broken or even abusive homes.
People
whose parents have never worked and lived on benefits can pass this habit on to
their children. There are areas of the UK where there are three generations of families
who have never worked and just lived on benefits.
A
recent report in the UK found that the third of children worry about family
finances
On
the other hand, children from loving and successful homes are more likely to
pick up those success habits. Again, this is not always the case but from my
observation I’ve seen it time and time again.
When
I wrote ‘Yes money can buy happiness’, I wrote about people’s limited
money beliefs that hold them back in life and even put a subconscious ceiling
on how much they can earn.
Whilst
money obviously plays an important part when it comes to living a happy and
secure life, it’s not the be all and end all. In fact, most of our happiness
comes from other people around us.
Think
of a time in your life and you feel happiness and joy. Can you picture in your
mind? Where are you? Who are you with? Was it with friends, family or someone
you love? It’s unlikely that it was sitting alone having dinner in front of the
TV, right?
There
are those of you who think being single and living on your own is cool and part
of modern life, but let me tell you that for millions, being alone sucks!
Humans
and most animals were simply not designed to be alone and isolated. For
thousands of years we’ve lived in tribes, groups and communities.
As
the number of people living in single households in the UK has reaches record
levels, so has depression, mental illness and suicide despite living in the
most prosperous time in history.
Yes,
you see beautiful young people sitting in Starbucks with the iMac looking cool,
but are they really happy and fulfilled?
Happiness
does not come from pleasure. Happiness comes from living a fulfilled life
filled with love and activity. Happiness comes from giving and sharing,
building a life with someone you love, raising children, going through
struggles together for building a business.
You
really need to deal with your negative learned beliefs otherwise they will ruin
your life and cause you to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
Moving
towards and moving away from goals
Many
philosophers in the past have discussed the fact that we do things based on
moving towards pleasure or reward and or moving away from pain or discomfort.
You
might have a goal to earn more money or own the house of your dreams, which
would be a moving towards goal.
On
the other hand, if you have a goal to lose weight or give up smoking that’s a
moving away from goal.
A
conflict arises when the pull of pain or pleasure is greater than your desire
to achieve something.
If
you are trying to lose weight, but really enjoy sweets and sugary foods then
you have a conflict of interests. You know that in order to lose weight you
must cut down on sugary foods, but the pleasure of eating those foods is so
great, and stronger than your desire to lose weight, that you cannot give them
up.
If
you’ve had a bad experience with your previous partner or spouse, you may want
to trust the new person in your life, but the negative pull of the previous
experience is so great that you cannot let go and form new relationships. Letting
go is key.
When
I was a child living at home, we had a lovely little dog who brought fun and
pleasure to the family’s life. Obviously dogs don’t live as long as us so when
that dog died it was so painful the for the family that we never wanted to have
a dog again. The pain of losing the dog was so great that it deprived us of
enjoying another pet.
Letting
go
I
recently watched a BBC documentary about a group of Holocaust survivors who had
their portraits commissioned by Prince Charles.
These
five people had been through the most horrific experiences imaginable in Nazi
concentration camps. They had every reason to lose faith in human nature and
hold on to the negative experience.
Despite
this, they had gone on to lead happy and successful lives. They showed no
bitterness in their faces and had learned to let go of the baggage of the past,
forgive, trust people and be happy.
There
are many books, techniques and guided meditations available to help you unblock
or get rid of limiting beliefs.
Find
something that works best for you and helps free you from any beliefs which are
holding you back.
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